my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
