he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize