Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
