Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
