You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize