you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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