Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
