ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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