chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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