I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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