he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
