So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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