first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
