One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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