so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
