my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
