Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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