So drunk its hurt
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
