Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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