Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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