I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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