he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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