mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
