I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
