Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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