I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
