a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You may now shotgun with the bride
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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