I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
