Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
