and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
