can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
