Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
