I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
