i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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