I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
