thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
false alarm. still invincible.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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