I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
