You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
