Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
