I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You did what with his pubic hair?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
