how hairy? two words: wookie tits
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
