My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
