apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
