i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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