I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
