wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
