; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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