If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have tasted many bathrooms
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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