Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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