um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
