Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
