she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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