I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
