i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
