I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
