Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
kristin has been a bad kristin
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
