I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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