Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
