No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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