fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i will never coherently bang her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
