If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
