I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
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I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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