I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
