The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
