I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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