i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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