you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
