need another drink. this is the easiest way
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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