ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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