Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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