he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
