Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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