Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
