when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
