this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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