My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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