Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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