I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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