So drunk its hurt
After last night, I could never be a politician.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
