I hate your face
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
