I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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