is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
